Drunk Dreams and Sober Daymares

When my husband first quit drinking, it was a difficult first few months. He would wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat because he was getting hammered in his dreams. He has asked me several times if I experience these kinds of dreams and the answer is not really.

I have had a few dreams that make me feel shame and anxiety and definitely pissed me off to no end, but constant dreams of me drinking way too much hasn’t been an issue for me. Daymares on the other had, those have been insufferable for a long time.

Worry is an emotion that lingers way too long around me, like a fog that comes and goes as it pleases. Even as a child I worried about leaving my homework at home, forgetting to study for a spelling test, and not making the volleyball team. To this day, I still worry about minuscule things that don’t really have a lot of impact on my actual life. But when it comes to drinking, I worry about everyone.

I worry that my brother will have one too many beers and get pulled over right as his breath hits that limitation and he’ll go to jail, never seeing his daughter again. I worry that the strangers at the restaurant downing margaritas will forget that the streets downtown are all one-ways and they may head into traffic going the opposite direction. I worry that the man who seems too uptight when he’s sober will strike his wife when he falls under the influence of intoxication.

Worry. Worry. Worry.

But at the end of the day, I have no control over any of it. So what do I do? I have to let go and let God…otherwise I will drive myself crazy…all of the time!

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Just Focus on Today

When I think about all of the worries or fears or doubts I have, almost every single one of them is in the future. It’s not even something right here in front of me. Worried about how my kids will turn out; worried if I’ll ever be able to earn more money to contribute to the family income; worried that none of us will make friends in our new little community. Worry. Worry. Worry. I understand that some/most of those are ridiculous things to worry about, but they do pop into my head…a lot actually!

But what happens if I focus on today? What if, instead of worrying about things that are completely out of my control, I solely focused on today? I mean this is after all the culmination of life, right? Focusing on today and not tomorrow’s worries. (Easier said than done on most days.)

Not today, though. I will focus on today as today is my only guarantee. I’m not guaranteed tomorrow or next month or even next year, but I am here today. I’m not trying to sound like a Debbie Downer here, but I just woke up this morning and realized I was bumming myself out worrying about freaking everything around me and that wasn’t helping one little bit! So it’s time to try something new!

I hope you are encouraged to focus on today. I hope we can encourage each other to stop worrying so damn much and enjoy the people and the relationships right here in front of us.