So, as a recovery perfectionist, I have to constantly remind myself that not every second of every single day has to be planned out. (Even while typing those words the perfectionist in me is saying, “But we sure can plan most of them.”) This is a character defect that I feel a lot of moms and other perfectionists suffer from. We want everything to work out and go smoothly in the way we saw it playing out in our overworked heads.
But there are still certain aspects of my life that I refuse to plan out the way everyone wants me to. For example, I’ve been told way too many times that a blog needs to be planned out days, weeks, sometimes even months in advance in order to be successful.
Well, I’m pulling back the curtain and revealing my little secret…I write, right here with you, every single morning. Why? Because this blog isn’t meant to appeal to the masses of people getting attention on Pinterest and Google. This space here was created to focus on helping and healing.
There are some definite perks to not having anything planned when I sit in my chair every morning. I’m challenged to ask myself how I’m feeling, something I would otherwise not focus on until I’m boiling over with rage or in a puddle of tears. But this place has demanded that I be more proactive about my own emotions and feelings, and for that I will be forever grateful.
When life gets in the way and we all get super busy with all of our day-to-day tasks, we often forget to stop and say a sincere “Thank You” to the people right there with us. I’m more guilty of this than anyone! I get caught up with the kids and the household demands that I often forget to tell my husband how much we appreciate everything he does for us and that his hard work doesn’t go unnoticed.
Sometimes we may feel we’re giving the people we love that gratitude and appreciation, but if those words never cross your lips how do they know your thoughts?
It feels good when people verbally acknowledge our efforts and our strengths out loud. I’m not saying you have to grovel for someone else, but a nice “Thank You” every once in a while doesn’t hurt.
There was a pop-up notification that I have been writing this blog for a year. A whole year, people! That may not seem like a big deal to you, but man oh man…that’s huge for me! The reason why it’s such a big deal is because in the past year I have let go of so many issues that have been lingering around forever, and it’s all thanks to this community.
Before, I would walk around holding in my resentments about the past, complaints about the present, and worries about the future. That is until they started becoming too big of a burden to carry.
Now, I get to come here everyday and talk to y’all before any of the chaos of my life (that comes with having a husband, 3 kids, and a dog) takes over. I get to sit down with my cup of coffee and contemplate life with you fine people each and every day.
So yes, a whole year is a big deal for me! Hopefully, there will be many more to come!
I don’t know about you, but I thank God every day that my life is drastically different than it was in the past. I’m not saying that this is something self-promoting and I’m awesome for realizing what a disaster my life used to be. Just simply stating how grateful I am to not have to live that kind of lifestyle any more.
“What kind of lifestyle?” you ask. Let me paint you a little picture.
Several years ago, almost 4 to be exact, I was living a life of total chaos, only I didn’t realize it until the ticking time bomb was ready to detonate right in front of my face. My marriage was collapsing right in front of me, I was binge drinking on the weekends to drown my sorrows, I wasn’t getting where I wanted to be with my career, I was dying inside emotionally from the passive-aggressive/co-dependent relationship I had created and encouraged with my husband, and I was just downright unhappy with where my future was headed.
Needless to say, I wasn’t happy with myself or where my future was headed. I needed to make a change. I had spent so long trying to change everyone else around me – my husband, my parents pending separation and divorce, and even the uncontrollable situations at work – that I forgot I’m only in control of myself. Realizing only I can make changes in my life, I finally felt that time had come.
I’m happy to report that today our marriage is solid and strong with a foundation we tore down and rebuilt ourselves from the ground up. We are different people today than we would have been had we not decided to drastically change our lives. I quit my job that was ultimately toxic and very hazardous to my life and my marriage. We made a fresh start in a new community and continue to keep growing and improving ourselves.
What’s your story? How are you different today than you were 5 years ago? 10 years ago?
We don’t officially “go back to school” until next week, but this week is more of a practice run. We went to bed earlier last night, or should I say on time, so we can make sure next week’s shock of getting up before sunrise isn’t too terribly devastating. We are getting everything organized (clothes, pantry, etc.) so next week runs smoothly.
But what does all of that really mean? It means I’ve already set up expectations on how next week is going to go because that’s what happens when I go into auto-pilot mode. It’s hard for me not to have expectations in my life and to just accept God’s will. I still have this incessant need to try to control everything and it might make me go insane!
Thankfully, that’s where you fine people come in. You help me realize when I’m doing it. You remind me that I only have control over myself today. I shouldn’t worry about what other people are doing or how things will pan out in the end. I can be grateful. I can be content. I have a purpose to be the best version of myself.
So whether your kids are going back to school, you’re starting a new job, or you’re just simply starting a new season of your life, try to look at it with the lens of no expectation. No expectation means no disappointment when things don’t turn out the way you planned. Instead focus on what you can do today, how you can accomplish your goals today, and be intentional about the life you have today.
So I try to find things that are relatable for everyone that way we are all kind of on the same page. Well, one week ago we got a new puppy. And let me tell you, I wasn’t mentally prepared for a puppy.
Maybe most people can relate to the constant chewing, peeing everywhere, and piles of poop that come along with a housing puppy. I have raised a few dogs in my life already so I guess I was thinking I was a pro and told myself, “I got this!”
Well, I don’t have this. This dog is straining my energy, the little tiny bit I had left after taking care of 3 kids this summer and keeping up with a house that seems to be always messy. He is constantly under foot and we are desperately trying to not step on him all day. He is a nuisance. He tries to chew on the kids. He has tried to eat my front door rug. He pooped in his kennel again last night and let’s just say it wasn’t fun to wake up to at 1:45 am this morning.
But even through all of that, we still love him. We may want to leave him outside for the remainder of the day at times, but his snuggles and kisses make up for all of the flaws.
He’s not perfect, so why was I pretending he would be? Why was I putting an expectation on him to be perfect, especially as a 9 week old puppy?
Thanks for bringing me back to reality HP. I previously prayed for patience with the kids and I believe the dog is the answer to those prays. I’ve realized…it could always be worse!
It’s been storming here all night and even across a large part of our region yesterday. There was some flooding near my hometown, but overall not a lot of significant damage that I’m aware of. Rain has the tendency to be beautiful and destructive all at the same time.
For example, we’ve gone through periods of severe drought where all of the technology in the world couldn’t save what rain could help in just minutes. There have also been times when a lightning storms rolls in and I couldn’t imagine another way I’d rather spend my time on this earth than observing the magnificent natural light show before me.
So is the way of life…
We have times of great joy when things happen just when we need them to happen, there are times when we desperately pray that something will save us from the chaotic ways of a life we no longer understand, and then there is beauty in how the destructive ways of our lives have led us to the most beautiful outcomes we never could have imagined.
Thank God today for the rain…