Don’t Lose Your Spontaneity!

So in this stage of my life, I no longer strive to be spontaneous anymore. Yes, every once in a while I’ll get a wild hair to order pizza for the kids on a Friday night (I know, CALM DOWN!), but that’s about as zany as we get these days.

I feel as though “spontaneous = reckless” in this season of my life. I don’t believe that’s 100% true, but I find myself being less and less spontaneous the older I get. Maybe routine is to blame. Maybe my need to be responsible is to blame. Maybe it’s because I’ve grown so comfortable in our little cocoon at home that venturing off to anything new kinda scares the crap out of me.

Yesterday, I took my kids to audition for a movie…3 hours away! We never do anything on a whim like this. If something requires us to travel on the weekend (especially 3 hours away), I’ve had it planned out for weeks with the well-stocked snack bag and drinks needed for the entire trip ready to go before we ever load up the car.

No such thing happened yesterday. I had a friend who was excited about taking her own kids (granted they were only 30 minutes down the road from the audition) and her excitement about it got the best of me. I thought, “What the hell? Why not? All I was going to do today was laundry!”

We have no idea if anything will come out of going to this audition, but I did learn one important thing yesterday…try new things even if they scare you. My kids did it. They actually had fun too!

You can be spontaneous and responsible at the same time. My kids didn’t miss school. Nobody missed work for us to go. And we made it home just in time for our nightly routines. Don’t lose your ability to be spontaneous!

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Looking Back to See

Have you ever tried to recall a drunken memory? Not one where you were the life of the party and everyone had a great time getting home safely. I’m talking about one of those memories where you question your judgement entirely, or that of someone else. One where you think, “I never want to remember what happened that night again!” It’s in those moments of pure reckless abandon that we find where it all went wrong.

For example, have you ever been in an argument with someone while you are intoxicated? Did it end well? Did you realize how ridiculous you were being before things escalated to the point of no return? Was someone able to calm you down and help you walk it off? There are countless ways to make bad decisions while you’re drunk, but I believe reflecting on the moment when you lost control is crucial to change.

I was in an argument with my brother once. We both had a lot too drink and although it was a playful and stupid fight, I knew with our friends surrounding us one of our ego’s was going to win. I had a tendency to pick fights a lot when I was drinking. Not physical fights, well, not physical fights with random people. I tended to pick on people whom I knew would never really hurt me. (How about psychoanalyzing that?) Pushing my brother’s buttons almost became a pastime to my drunken self and I felt childlike in this alternative world were I could be mean and say shocking things and he couldn’t retaliate against me because I knew he loved me and would never hurt me.

This might all seem absurd and you’ve never in your life made any mistakes because you are a responsible drinker and are normal. Well, sorry to disappoint here folks, but I was a hot mess! It’s only in looking back at these memories that I can see all of the wrongdoings, the immaturity, and the lack of self respect. This is where I go back to when I need to grow. When I need to reassure myself that I have made progress and I’m not a total monster anymore. This is where I go to in my mind when I have a moment of weakness thinking I’m not enough. I am enough. You are enough too.

Being Who You Never Thought You Would Become

There were many ideas I had growing up of how an adult was supposed to be. I honestly didn’t want to be any of them. I wanted to be that kid that graduated high school, went to college, traveled the world, met an exotic foreigner, and lived a life of travel and adventure.

I did graduate high school and college. I married my neighbor that I met in college, who is also from the same state as I am (so out goes the foreigner concept). But, oh the adventures we have been on! I have done things and traveled to places that I couldn’t have imagined growing up. I have experienced things that my former self wouldn’t even be able to comprehend.

I know these same adventures may not be the life of travel and luxury I had imagined as a naive college student, but they have been so much better! In a weird way, those old dreams and ambitions seem ridiculous to me. Don’t get me wrong, I still have big dreams and big ambitions for my life. I’ve simply adjusted those to better fit who I am today than who I wanted to become years ago.

“Adulting” can be hard and grueling work some days. I mean I still feel like an impostor when I’m filling out paperwork for my kids’ school. (Shouldn’t like an adult be filling these out and signing them? Oh right, that’s me…) Never in my wildest dreams did I believe I would enjoy parenting and the life that comes along with it, but Baby, bring me the keys to my mini-van and my travel mug…Mama’s on a mission!

The First Day of School

Do you remember your first days of school? Maybe not all the way back to Kindergarten, but a few grades here and there were you were nervous and scared and excited all at the same time?

Personally, I always had the night before jitters. I wouldn’t be able to sleep well and then I’d wake up way before my alarm would go off in fear of oversleeping and missing everything. Even if I had already met the teacher and knew everything there was to know about the school, there was something about taking that first step into the classroom on the first day of school.

Today, my children go back to school and one of them is starting Kindergarten. I’m again excited, nervous, and scared all over again, but for him this time and not me. I’m excited that he gets to go on this journey and learn new things and meet new people. I’m nervous that he may not know his way around yet and will get a little lost. I’m scared that he won’t make any friends today or that, even worse, he’ll be made fun of.

Most of my fears are irrational, but some are completely warranted. But I have control over none of it! So, instead of whining about being scared for me kids or wondering if they’re going to have a terrible day, I’m choosing to take the high road. I’m going to say a little prayer for them, help them find their way this morning, and then release them into the world. I believe I should do it now when things are small and not so scary.

Let go and let God…

New Tests, New Trials

So I try to find things that are relatable for everyone that way we are all kind of on the same page. Well, one week ago we got a new puppy. And let me tell you, I wasn’t mentally prepared for a puppy.

Maybe most people can relate to the constant chewing, peeing everywhere, and piles of poop that come along with a housing puppy. I have raised a few dogs in my life already so I guess I was thinking I was a pro and told myself, “I got this!” 

Well, I don’t have this. This dog is straining my energy, the little tiny bit I had left after taking care of 3 kids this summer and keeping up with a house that seems to be always messy. He is constantly under foot and we are desperately trying to not step on him all day. He is a nuisance. He tries to chew on the kids. He has tried to eat my front door rug. He pooped in his kennel again last night and let’s just say it wasn’t fun to wake up to at 1:45 am this morning.

But even through all of that, we still love him. We may want to leave him outside for the remainder of the day at times, but his snuggles and kisses make up for all of the flaws.

He’s not perfect, so why was I pretending he would be? Why was I putting an expectation on him to be perfect, especially as a 9 week old puppy? 

Thanks for bringing me back to reality HP. I previously prayed for patience with the kids and I believe the dog is the answer to those prays. I’ve realized…it could always be worse!

Back to Life, Back to Reality

Hello friends! I’m so happy to be back with you today after a week of travelling. I was in another country for a dear friend of mine’s wedding. While we were gone, my husband and I had time to reflect upon many things in our lives.

One of the more notable mentions is the fact that we weren’t 100% ready for a wedding/party type atmosphere. We were in a country in South America where the liquor and beer flows freely during any kind of celebration. My friend’s family in particular likes indulging in drinks just as much as any American family.

We didn’t even think (or I guess I should say I didn’t think) about the rehearsal dinner and the reception being that much of an issue. But then they brought out the serving trays of beer and shots that kept rounding our noses every few minutes. (I mean, the waitresses were really doing their jobs in making totally sure we really didn’t want any.)

We tried to find the just the right amount of time between staying at the party and not being rude by leaving too early. Finally, we had all of the water our bladders could handle and enough temptation to feel like we’re playing with fire.

We left the party early as well as the wedding reception because we had served our purpose. We were there to celebrate our friend’s wedding, meet the people important to her, and enjoy the party. We were not meant to linger around tempting fate to see how long we could really stay before one of us accidentally drank the champagne sitting right next to our water glass.

We made it! We did it! We grow stronger every time we venture out to another uncomfortable social atmosphere and I’m proud of us. My husband even salsa danced with me…SOBER! I feel more in love with him at that very moment!

 

Give Us the Dirt! (2)

(If you haven’t read the first part of this series, please go back to the beginning so everything makes more sense. Link here: Give Us the Dirt!)

Upon entering adolescence (as I’m sure many of you can relate), I tried to find the best way to fit in with the right group of people. Since I already had the ideology of the multiple beer-guzzling action demonstrated in front of me, I thought that the entire point of consuming alcohol was to drink it very fast and as many as you can. As you can imagine, this was a terrible idea for any 12 year old. (Yes, I did say 12 year old. I was mischievous and curious from a young age.)

I wouldn’t say I was getting drunk all of the time with my new found enjoyment of alcohol, but I definitely remember early signs of lying and inappropriate behavior. I remember taking my mom’s wine coolers. It was so easy to sneak them because a 6-pack would sit in our fridge well over a month at a time and my parents would completely forget they were there. Like I said before, mom was “allergic.”

My brothers and I also noticed these other bottles that would appear in our house from time to time, usually after a family gathering, and they would be stored in this special cabinet that was under lock and key. What was so special about these bottles?  And why did they need a key? The forbidden drinks became even more intriguing to me so I decided one time when my parents left for the day that we were going to investigate these special bottles.

I remember finding one bottle in particular that was in a purple box with a purple lush bag wrapped around the bottle that had a gold crown on top. Must be fancy to have it’s own bag, I would think to myself. I bet it tastes like rainbows to have such a fancy outfit. It did not. Straight whiskey never has had a big appeal to me unless I was trying to look like a bad-ass in front of friends in college, but that’s a different part of the story.

The introduction to the “hard stuff” was a pivotal point in my drinking career. It meant that there was more out there than the over-sugared wine coolers and beer that tasted like someone burped in my mouth. I had the taste of something new that made me feel powerful, rebellious, and most of all light headed and tipsy, which is the basis for all of my drinking to come.

When I was young, I started to gain a tolerance for drinking. Not so much as to say I was able to put down many drinks without the side effects of being tipsy. Rather, I built a tolerance for what was acceptable and unacceptable behavior when drinking. Let’s just say there was more acceptable actions than unacceptable. I had totally lowered my standards at this point.

(To Be Continued…)