When I Wish I Could Just Take It Back

Struggling with emotions has always kind of been my thing ever since I was little. I was  a “people-pleaser” therefore I always wanted to make other people happy by letting them know I was always happy. (Sad or highly emotional people tend to make other people feel uncomfortable.) I thought crying was a sign of weakness and that only people who can’t handle their emotions cried. So unless I skinned my knee in public, crying was only for my pillow when I laid down to go to sleep.

Over the past few years however, I realized I had the wrong idea about emotions this whole time. Emotions don’t make you weak. Emotions make you human. Not expressing them makes you a ticking time bomb – ready to explode at any second.

I had a highly emotional encounter yesterday where I was expressing my honest and truest feelings deep from my soul (tears and all), but why from the second my words left my lips did I want to take it all back?

As soon as I saw that the other person was getting visibly upset from the words I was projecting, I immediately wanted to slip back into my people-pleaser mode and say, “I was just kidding. I take it back. If you’re going to be this upset about it, I don’t want to say it to you. Me making sure you feel happy is more important that me expressing these things I’ve felt for a long time.” But none of these words came out, thank God.

For the first time in a long time, I felt like I had communicated emotions on a level that I should have been all along. Yes, I am definitely out of practice and could have handled myself a little better in some ways, but for the most part I verbalized exactly how I felt. (A HUGE feat for me!)

So next time you’re in a confrontation and you want to take those words back, don’t. I’m not giving you permission to say mean and hurtful things to someone else, but I’m simply saying to not keep everything bottled up inside until the 10-second countdown begins on your bomb and there’s no way to stop it.

Find a healthy way to express your emotions to someone else. Even when the truth hurts sometimes, it feels much better to speak those words than to keep them forever locked inside your head and your heart.

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