Yes, I realize The Truth Behind Nothing is the title to shoot for, but this morning I can’t help but think about everything. All of the good. All of the bad. All of the experiences I’ve had in my life. I think back to a time years ago when I felt completely surrounded by people physically, but I seemed to be more alone than ever. When you feel hopelessly solo in an overwhelming world of excess, the turmoil is just beginning. Excess people. Excess stuff. Excess consuming. Excess everything.
So what is the Truth Behind Everything? Well, I can tell you my truth. My truth is that shame and guilt had the steering wheel for a long, long time. I was so wrapped up in shame that my true self couldn’t even come up to turn the radio dial without shame shoving me to the backseat and yelling, “Sit down. Shut up! I’m in control here!” (Even thinking back to those times of letting shame control my life, I get a huge lump in my throat and my head starts spiraling with toxic thoughts.)
Well, what kind of shame are we talking about here? See if any of this sounds familiar:
- Shame that I wasn’t good enough
- Guilt that I had screwed up already pretty bad in my life
- Shame that I wasn’t physically attractive enough
- Guilt that I was trying to impress other people so much, I put my own happiness aside
- Shame that I wasn’t going to meet everyone else’s standards of success
- Guilt that I was never going to be the person that I truly wanted to be
- Shame that I was an impostor in my own life
Does any of this sound familiar?
Maybe you don’t have the exact same thoughts of guilt and shame, but you know what I’m talking about. I still battle with these doubts and fears daily, but I’m happy to say that the conversation I have with these enemies today looks a lot different. Our conversation goes like this:
Shame/Guilt: So, you think you’re going to put yourself out there without consequence? Ha, everyone’s going to laugh at you. You’re nobody. You’re nothing. You’re not even good enough.
Me: Well, you may be right about some stuff, but don’t you dare tell me I’m not good enough. I have already accomplished so much in my life without you there that I honestly don’t even need you anymore. So you can sit your ass in the backseat. No talking. No window privileges. No bathroom breaks. And absolutely no snacks. I’m done feeding you. You are no longer driving this vehicle and steering us in the wrong direction. No more turning around when I feel scared. No more holding me back from going over the mountain. Yes, there will be detours. There may even be more speed bumps along the way. But I’m in control. Not you, me. And there’s not a damn thing you can do about it!
Don’t let anything or anyone tell you that you aren’t enough. You are in control. Go take back your driver’s seat today!