I have a friend who struggles with anger and resentment. She’s a veteran who served for over 6 years in the Air Force, did at least 1-2 tours in the Middle East, and and is now trying to fit into a “normal life” as a citizen. To say that she has struggled would be an understatement. She suffers from PTSD, had a bad wreck in 2012 that almost killed her, and she lives alone now in a bad part of town.
I prefaced with all of those facts about my friend because I have a tendency to try to make excuses for her. I don’t want to do that here and now. I’m just trying to share that none of us are perfect and we will never live up to our (or someone else’s) expectations of being perfect. I think my friend is trying to overcompensate for not being who everyone else thought she should be. I hope and I pray that one day she’ll be able to love and appreciate herself before she worries about other people loving and appreciating her.
I suggested my friend go to an AA meeting not to call her out as an alcoholic, but because I finally get the deeper meaning of the program. The best way I could explain it to her was like this: AA is a great place to go to figure out your feelings. Maybe you don’t if you’re mad, sad, resentful, impatient, or just plain irritable. I feel like AA is a blueprint to an action plan you can take with your life when you’re just not sure what your next move should be.
I suggested a meeting because she kept talking about anger, rage, forgiveness (or the lack of it), and most importantly resentment. I’m grateful that my husband has been able to grow so much through the program and I could sit there as a first-hand witness to the miraculous things that can happen when someone decides to change their life.
I don’t know if she’ll go to a meeting or not, I do know that is her decision. But I feel like I had a break through moment yesterday when I was able to talk to my best friend in a way that felt like a true friend encouraging someone instead of judging them for their past mistakes.
I hope we can all look at people today without judgment and maybe even say a little prayer for them if you feel like it would be to their benefit.