I can’t share stories about being chemically dependent on substances, but I can speak heavily on co-dependency and putting my worth into someone else’s view of myself.
Being the spouse, best friend, daughter/son, and parent of someone who is an alcoholic can be a lonely, uphill battle. Many unknown factors can contribute to a lot of worry, anxiety, and fear.
We can only help someone else along so far, and then let them do the rest. But I can make him change! was the thought that popped into my mind constantly. I can do all of the right things to make him quit: remind him he needs to stop, tell him how his drinking is affecting our relationship, I can passive-aggressively be upset with him and he’ll get the hints, or I can give him an ultimatum…either he quits or I’m gone! (None of these approaches are suggested, by the way!)
I had to learn, through trial and error, that the only decision I can make is whether to stay and support the alcoholic or move on. Could it really be that simple? And why is such a simple choice, such an unbelievably hard decision? Well, I’m happy to say it worked out in my favor. I’m so glad my husband decided to get help through AA. It’s been a tough journey still, but we are closer in our relationship now than we ever would have been otherwise.
My hope is that you can find peace with the alcoholic in your life.