This statement baffled me the first time I heard them slip out of my husband’s mouth. “What do you mean drinking has nothing to do with drinking? That doesn’t even make sense!”
Today, I still think about that first conversation we had years ago when he first dedicated himself to his sobriety. I remember thinking “He’ll go to one meeting, come out a changed person, and then we can go on about our lives. Problem solved! How efficient!”
Ha! I can’t help but laugh at my old self for 1) being so naive and 2) for not realizing how selfish I was being. I wanted my husband to get better so he could take care of me and my needs. Not so much so he was a better functioning human being and a positive contributing member of society. I mean, yes, I wanted him to be a great father and to do all of the wonderful things that I know he’s capable of doing, but what I really wanted was for him to make my life easier.
I believe all of that stems from me feeling like my life was out of control. It was a shame spiral, as Brene Brown would call it, each and every day. Little did I know I was the one responsible for my own unhappiness. (Man, I wish someone would have told me that years ago!)
So here we are today, and drinking still has nothing to do with drinking. Maybe that makes sense to you. Maybe you’re scratching your head, but I can sit here this morning and tell you that your own choices determine who YOU are today and not what anyone else does.
Maybe the title of this post should have been “I made bad choices in the past, but I’m trying to make good ones today”…but that was too long.