(If you’re not a Game of Thrones fan, then this may not be a laughing matter. But I hear that one nun with the bell saying “Shame” every time I think about the word shame and it makes me laugh…I’m not sure why.) Moving on…
Shame…shame is a bitch. There is no other way to put it. I have actually read A LOT about the subject thanks to Brene’ Brown and her books. (You should check her out…she’s awesome!)
Back to shame. Shame is that little voice inside my head saying, “Who do you think you are? You’re not a real writer. You’ll never overcome your past and the terrible things you’ve done in your life. What makes you think you can be a better person? You’re not good enough…”
I know…like I said, shame is a bitch!
But thankfully, I’ve learned how to “deal” when my ego tells me I’m not good enough. I talk about it with other people. Trust me, this did not come easy to me and still doesn’t, so if that seems impossible I understand where you are coming from. If we don’t talk about it though, we are trapped in our own heads and the darkest parts of ourselves try to take over. I don’t know about you, but the deep dark monsters lurking in my psyche are not the ones I want with the steering wheel.
I wanted to share this in hopes of someone out there will come to understand that these thoughts/emotions/rants/feelings are normal and part of what makes us human. (Why don’t they teach this to us when we are kids or at the very least awkward teenagers?) In order to stay sane and overcome shame, we have to share these feelings with someone else. Please don’t go around sharing your deepest, darkest secrets with strangers. It won’t end well. They don’t have your best interest at heart.
Find someone you trust, and by trust I mean REALLY trust, to share these feelings you have. For me, it’s my husband and my mom who I go to when these monsters start creeping in. They are loving enough to tell me that I am in fact NOT CRAZY, they have had those feelings too, and that I am probably feeling insecure about something. Whew…then I can take a deep breath. (Unless my husband says, “Yeah, I think you need to go talk to someone about that”…this comment stirs up other crazies in my head, but it usually has something to do with motherhood which he doesn’t completely get all of the time. #momguilt)
So there is it. I put my crazy out there so maybe you would share a little of your crazy. We all have it. Don’t fight it. Share it with someone you trust and move on. Maybe they can help you through it.