My husband travels for work from time to time. Not weeks at a time or out of state or anything like that. But he may be gone 2-3 nights a few hours away from home.
This still makes me uneasy. Don’t get me wrong, I have gotten way better about my trust issues with him not drinking. I just still have this little, tiny, almost nonexistent voice in the back of my head in a dark little corner saying, “What if this is the time he decides to have a beer? What if he’s talked into going out to Happy Hour and he slips up?”
Now, I’m mentally healthy enough today to realize all of this trickery of the mind is just fear. It’s FEAR! Nothing more. Nothing less. It has nothing to do with my husband capabilities of staying sober. It has everything to do with the fact that there is a little part of me that may always fear this kind of day will come.
I’m happy to say I’m working on my fear instead of ignoring it or pushing it way down deep into the “Resentful Chamber” of my consciousness. I can’t control what he does, but I can control myself and my fear.
Today, I choose to tell fear:
Take a hike! I don’t need you here cramping my style while my husband is out of town. I’ve got work to do and too much important stuff in my life going on to be paralyzed and crippled by your nonsense. In other words, I don’t need you in my life. Go bug somebody else!